How much can you swallow before you get ill?  I’m not sure how to measure it, but I think I’m just about full.  I feel buried right now.  There is so much going on all at once.  I’m trying to work everything out before the weight suffocates me.   Every time I fix something, I’m hit again.  Between work, my renewed weight, Christmas, family, friends, and the man who loves to hate me, I can’t focus at all.

     Zach has been mad at me for weeks.  Obviously, it is my fault he quit smoking, unless there is another explanation for this daily punishment.  Oh wait, I forgot that he treats me like this every time something stressful is going on.  You know, screw everyone else and their stressful-but-not-nearly-as-important problems.  I am almost ashamed of myself for never considering the possibility that he would be a dick.  Then I could have planned for it.  After work yesterday, he was upset with me.  Who knows why, but I know it’s my fault.  Perhaps, I didn’t make him feel loved.  So, today, I made sure I let him know that I was thinking about him all day.  I went straight to the kitchen, grabbed him and pulled him close to kiss him.  He even gave me a positive reaction!  But that wonderland is a daydream and I am again the fool.  Five minutes later, he is engrossed in showing off for his slacker brother.  Cool, fer reeeal man . . . yeah, whatever.

     My brother inlaw isn’t nothing short of ignorant.  He will argue over anything.  He has strong, but offensive opinions about things he doesn’t attempt to understand.  I tolerate him.  There was a time when he was over here every freaking day.  Zach even brought him on vacations with us.  No matter how I complained, he was always there.  Now things are different.  I only have to look at him every now and then.  But he still is just as annoying, if not more.  I find it hard to look at a man who is almost 2 years older than me, lives with his dad, can’t hold down a job, but has the balls to put us down for not running around spending our money on BS and partying.  Grrrr, but I have to ignore him.  So, I take deeeeeeeep breaths and wait for him to go away.